We have a new work situation today with mental health issues, higher stress levels and with our new information bombardment how can we find a healthy balance in life? Personally, I stopped separated work life from my personal life years ago. Today I see it as we have one life and we need to balance it whatever we do with our time and what we fill it with like work, kids, spouse, friends, hobbies and the list goes on. In this article, I will give you the essential Keys to what I have learnt to help us create a healthy life balance. It’s a new world, and we need to understand the “new” so we can – Live Better – Lead Better.
However, has it changed that much? Why do I keep stressing that the last couple of years has changed how we live and work drastically, also if it has changed, what has changed?
Maybe this is new for some of you, but back in the day before the eighties when you at the end of the day got in the car, your workday ended. When you parked the car on the driveway, you knew the workday was over. If the phone rang, it was your landline connection, and a call on that connection meant personal and private matters. No one would call you from work, and no one would ask the mailman to deliver you a business mail at ten o’clock at night. Back then, there was nobody from work who called you on your home phone regarding a business matter, and my Mum taught me not to disturb anyone after 10:00 pm. No, that was inappropriate. I remember even in the beginning when the phone became mobile; I used the ‘Turn off’ option when I came home from work. There was no point having it switched on, also most importantly it was not good for the battery to be on all the time. Maybe yourself remember how you turned it off before the movie started, and it was a big NO NO to use the mobile phone at the restaurants, that was viewed as rude and inappropriate. Still, none called you on your private landline for work issues. Slowly this changed, and the significant change came when the Mobil phone became smart. All of a sudden emails, documents, texts, etc., came into play, and we started to carry with us a mini Office in our pockets. From that point, there was no turning back. Today work is not something we leave behind when we leave the office or finish a meeting. We have constant access to all the important things we do when we are at work. This has meant that a large group of people ( myself included ) have developed habits that intrude personal, family and marital life and time.
The whole social behaviour has changed as it is not only our business and work that now have access to us 24/7 but also our friends and family. The people who would never think of calling us after 10 pm at night, keep sending texts and pictures and snaps whenever they like and feel to it. With Social media, we all feel the freedom to text when it suits us. I read somewhere that it should not be called social media but unsocial media, and I think it is something in it as the truth is we are facing more and more mental health issues. One of the Keys to a balanced life with all-new tech devices that should improve our lives rather than steal it is the key called Boundaries
Boundaries
If you want to develop a healthy life balance, it’s all about setting boundaries and keeping them. Let me give you an example. What would your peers at work say if you every day would bring your kids to work, help them with homework, find a lost toy or end a board meeting to help your kid to the bathroom? I guess most of us would find it very stressful and that you like me would never do that, mainly as that time is for your work. So how come we have agreed to allow work to interfere with our family and personal life? How often don’t we bring work with us home, the numbers of times I thought when the kids were still young “ I’ll do/answer/write/finish that when the kids are in bed”. It is a challenging though but if we think the quality of our work would be interfered by us bringing our family to work, why wouldn’t our quality of family time interfere in the same way if we keep bringing work to our family? It is a challenging thought but needs to be looked at if we really want to look at our mental health and how we look after ourself and our family.
One of the most essential boundaries I have learnt to set up was born during a time when I was travelling a lot in my business. In order to spend time with my wife and children, I had to set time apart in a strict way. We all agree that the most important relationships we have are with our spouse and family. Also, to keep our relationships healthy and strong, we have to set time apart to spend time with them. I have come to realise when my marriage and children are happy, and in balance, I set myself up for success in any given situation. Why I’ve decided my Family-time is a time when I let nothing interfere, interrupt or take my focus. Yes, I have learnt to go for a walk without the phone, sit on a hill with a breathtaking view without taking a photo, watched my kids do what they love without checking emails on the ringside. Have I always succeeded? No, but I know my priorities, and I’m good on my way.
Boundaries and take time to breathe
Another key to my life balance is creating time to breathe. I often found myself walking from one meeting to another, and one task to another without no time to leave the previous meeting to focus on the next fully. I see this often in the people I mentor, as well. They continuously go from one thing to another without allowing time to shift focus and breathe.
It is essential to take a few minutes to take time to breathe to refocus, but often we bring one emotion into the other meeting. Let’s say the first meeting was a tough one, even left you bit frustrated and without taking some time to pause and reload, you will automatically bring that feeling into the next task or meeting. This is something I tell the people I coach and mentor to do before they put their hand on their own front door. I ask them to write down, take a few minutes to reflect on the day, anything they need to put down for tomorrows ‘To-Do-List” then write it down – Before they walk in that family door. They deserve to spend time with the best version of you. I know a lot of stress we experience is because we keep too many “red-alert” tasks in our heads and never get time to file them for later. How does it look like then?
I take a short 2-5 min breaks between tasks, meetings after sending an email I take a micro-break, I tell myself to refocus before I take on the next task — the same principle applies with my family life. Before my necessary change, I drove still working, trying to be efficient by having a phone meeting in the car, I finished on the driveway, turned the car off and walked in. What a clash it was with my family before I decided to have a short “end-my-work-time” before I entered my house as a husband and a dad. I even had to commit myself to the task of being the best version of a husband and dad I could.
This has made a huge difference in my life balance, and I have seen the positive effects this has made in the life of the leaders I coach. I would strongly challenge you, and I hope you are encouraged to set up some boundaries and take those short breaks to reload, refresh and refocus on what the next important thing is for you to do to have a successful business and life.
Live better – Lead Better.
